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Sunday, January 9, 2011

learning process...

idup ni satu proses pembelajaran yg sangat panjang kan??
dari kecik sampai besar....byak sgt benda yg kita belajar...
dari x pandai jalan,kite dah boley berlari pun...
dari x pandai cakap, kita dah boley marah org pun....
dari x pandai membaca, kita da terlebey pandai pun skunk...
dari xtau pasal perasaan,da pandai benci org pun....
tulis benda ni...aku rasa cam nk menangis...
tp...sepanjang 22 taun aku idup....ni first time aku belajar yg its better kalo kite luahkan apa yg kita rasa daripada kita pendam sensorg....coz lame2 benda kecik leh jadi besar...mcm api,mula2 kecik jer...tp sbb xde sape nk padam...api pun jadi besar dan bahaya.....wow...aku sgt emotional hari ni...kesan dari accident kot....
well...semalam aku jumpa kwn lama...CTK....kwn time skolah dl....lame x jumpa dia...da dkt 5 or 6 taun kot???byk benda aku x tau....byk benda yg aku kena ingat balik...byk benda yg wt aku terkejut....n byk benda yg wat aku rase nak marah........byk sgt benda yg aku x sangka dah jadi....sampai kepala aku ni x boley nk terima lagi....
so, aku decide...its time for me to actually told them what i really felt about them years ago...n even today...the reasons for my absences from their so call reunion...the reasons for me being like i've never been to that school...
but as i wrote what i really felt...it broke my heart...coz ape yg aku wat skunk x ubah cam aku salahkan org laen pasal ape yg da jadi kt aku....cam aku ni...teruk sgt...n benda ni wat aku rase cam nk nanges...n tetibe aku rase....aku btol2 berdendam dgn dorg sampai aku dah jadi benci ngan dorg sumer!!!!!benda ni wat aku rase teruk sangat...coz aku x penah berniat nk benci dorg....x penah sket pun...tp sbb aku simpan sumer benda dari dulu....mula2 just sedey...pastu x puas hati...pastu lame2 jadi marah....marah sgt sampai benda tu bertukar jadi dendam....n now dendam tu da tuka jadi benci....n aku x suke ape yg aku rase skunk....sbb aper jer yg aku dgr....wat aku jadi meluat sgt ngan dorg sumer...berdosa kan ader perasaan camni???but i can't help it....how am i supposed to feel now????i don't even know....

just close my eyes...



My feet on the ground but i can't run...
Drowning the noise inside my head..
Who is this girl that i've become???
Its killing me to see myself....
How do you learn how to forgive
When deep down inside you can't forget??
With all that i regret...
I pray for the first time in the long time...
The lies fade away....
Finally i'm waking up...
I feel like i can let it go...
Say everything i wanted to say...
i'm ok with being by myself...
When i close my eyes....
I know that i'm alive....
I never was sure...but now i am..
This was the choice i had to make...
Maybe i'll never understand..
Sometimes you've got to make mistakes...
I mean...how do you know where to go when you're going??
And how do you know that you know when it's over???
I see it now...for the first time in a long time...
Believe me when i say...
That i've finally waking up...and finally i've feel that i can let it go...everything..

LIFE ISN'T ALWAYS FAIR....BUT ITS BEAUTIFUL AS IT IS...

urghh....life is so not fair!!!
how come they always got what they want and i got nothing??
i guess life is just not fair...at least for now...